If there's a hole in the wall, a crab will crawl out of it. And the action you do get repeats over and over. Either way, if you only fight off three or four critters per stage (or go through an entire stage without really having to fight because the creatures attacking are bats and little raptors, and you're freaking King Kong and can just walk over them) that's not a lot of action. and I did run past (or rather walk) a few creatures because I was so bored in fighting that I just cut out. Even that might be generous, although I did kill a few annoying bees while trying to fight the junk-ass aiming system to shoot the hive. Well, across this game's 17 levels, I'd say I killed maybe 40-50 creatures. Hmm, how to persuade you to ignore that thought. Looking at the screenshots of the game, you might get the idea that this is a poor man's Turok: Dinosaur Hunter, and so it might be of interest to FPS fans. At its very worst (go ahead and get used to that word, 'worst'), it's so pathetic and busted that you can't tell whether you're shaking with anger or laughter. At its very best (and I'm not sure how I worked the word 'best' into this review), King Kong on DS is a completely pointless FPS / button-pushing-punching-thingy that has not a single moment worth playing when you can experience the story and gameplay concept in its full form on PC or console. Maybe they should have waited for the DVD to release a DS version, giving it time to be as great as it could have been? Or maybe they should have just done an updated version of the GBA Kong game (which is lo-fi but at least has some direction to it) instead of making a brand new game for DS? Unfortunately, it's too late to save Kong, and what we DS gamers are stuck with is not worth anybody's time. This DS thing was rushed out the door to tag onto the movie and game releases, boxed up way before it arrived at any state of playability or visual style. Saying that Peter Jackson's King Kong on DS is loosely based on Michel Ansel's flawed but powerful masterpiece for consoles is a slap in the ape-face of that game. You take the good, you take the bad, and oh man, are you ever going to be taking it bad if you pick up King Kong on DS this holiday season.

And sadly, our plucky little Nintendo DS system has not escaped this fate.

The Game Boy line has been the unworthy sufferer for some of the most sickening games to come along since the Official Nintendo Seal of Quality was proven a misnomer with NES bombs like Total Recall. When you harbor nothing but bitter resentment for a cellphone game that you charged on your buddy's borrowed account for $1.99, you can never come back from that. Sure, you'll get some really, really bad games on consoles, but for sheer stink power, nothing comes close to what's passed off as entertainment on handheld game systems when these little machines are at their worst.

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